Why willpower alone won’t help you to achieve your New Year’s resolutions

Check-up from the neck up

We naturally tend to hibernate at this time of year. Post-festive season, many have over-spent, over-indulged and are so over it that nights in are a welcome addition to the diary.  Even if a night out is on offer, despite the social secretary saying ‘yes’, the chief finance officer says ‘no’. So, we stay at home and amuse ourselves by perhaps bingeing on a box set, doing those admin jobs we’ve been putting off, settling down to a good read, maybe getting in some early nights or maybe, just maybe, some self-improvement is on the list.

This more minimalist approach to activities means we quite often go back to basics – there is less rushing around, more quietness and we have more time to consider what’s going on between our ears. I relish these winter months – I hunker down and enjoy the cosiness and quieter times, determined for it not to be interrupted with a multitude of pulls on my time. It’s the time of year for a check-up from the neck up – sorting priorities in both a personal and professional sense and figuring out how they can be achieved. Without the busyness of weekend jaunts and visitors, there’s more time to focus solely on family and perhaps begin the New Year fitness schedule in earnest – therapeutic in itself as it’s a great medium for head space.

Raising the bar

I once read about a woman who committed to a ‘Buy Nothing’ year. Outside of the essential household bills, she spent nothing for 12 months – a kind of financial detox as it were. After the initial novelty had subsided, she found it testing but realised she was trying to live her old life but without money – coming to the conclusion that she needed to think differently and embrace a new way of life, and so she discovered the joys of visiting galleries and museums, walking and cycling as well as open air swimming for fitness, and with boutique hotels a no-go, wild camping in forests and on beaches was the summer holiday with her husband – the best vacation she’d ever had she said. It certainly was food for thought.

I’ve also heard about the 21-day ‘no complaining’ challenge people set themselves – three weeks with no moaning or whinging about anything in your life be it situations, things or people. No bleating or judgements about what others have, say or do, nor wailing about the cold shower you had, the frustrating commute to work or the annoying mother-in-law. Instead, it’s all about focusing what would be negative energy, into something far more constructive. Sounds liberating…

Your own worst enemy

The thing is, we may very well begin the New Year with the best of intentions but if we want to change the way we do something, changing our behaviour only, will not cut the mustard. This very often relies on willpower and willpower is why gyms are busy January to March, and then the business model needs to change at leisure centres because the café seems so much busier – gym goers become lacklustre and lose the motivation. All those ‘New Year, new you’ intentions seem to run out of steam… That’s because willpower is making yourself do something,

We might also prevent ourselves from achieving our goals due to self-sabotage – believing that we’re not capable, or worse still, that we’re not worthy of success.

Self-discipline is what’s needed to see those intentions through to the desired results. Self-discipline means you are thinking about the way you are thinking about what it is you want.

Self-discipline is when you have connected with your ‘why’ – you know what it is you want and have adopted a conscious mindset to achieve it. You have the attitude, motivation and importantly, the thinking skills to ensure that you keep going and if you do hit a bump in the road, you navigate your thinking around it and keep going.

It doesn’t mean the negative thoughts won’t sometimes be there– the self-questioning, the dreaded imposter syndrome, the self-limiting beliefs which seem to tell you that you’re not capable of achieving your goal, that little voice that reminds you that you’ve tried doing this kind of thing before and you won’t stick to it, or the inner critic that seems to be telling you that you’re not worthy of great things. Because for so many people, they believe they have no control over their thoughts and feelings. But even if it feels like that first thought has appeared and you have no control over it, crucially, it’s knowing that once you have acknowledged and recognised that thought and the feeling it is producing, you get to take control of the next thought.

Your mindset is key to you making sense of your thoughts and your resulting emotions and how you can move forward with purpose and conscious thinking. It’s a day by day, step by step approach and it’s vital to check in with the nature of your thinking – to address the subconscious thoughts which are driving your feelings, thus behaviour and the habits you are creating leading to your results.

Taking control
I have a four-step approach for when the negative thoughts try to invade my headspace, telling me something isn’t possible, or that I feel I can’t – or won’t carry on towards achieving my goal. The self-discipline of checking in with my thoughts means I can rewire the negative ones to ensure I am creating thoughts which are working for me.

Step 1 – Recognise feelings and emotions coming to the forefront where you feel anxious, or lacklustre, or limiting self-beliefs are holding you back. Recognise that you might be getting yourself into a downward spiral and stop, take a moment to acknowledge what is going on inside your head.

Step 2 – Process these feelings- what’s the underlying thought process? What’s at the root of the problem? Identify the source of these emotions – that is, the nature of your thinking. How are you currently thinking about the issue/challenge/situation? Because if you want different results, it’s going to need to start with the type of thoughts you’re having.

Step 3 – Reframe to shift the thinking pattern. Jolt yourself out of the thoughts which are not serving you well. This can be done is so many different ways and it’s working out what’s best for you. Maybe going for a run, a walk or simply getting some fresh air– a change of scenery. Reading? Meditation? Talking to someone– maybe about something completely different. It’s about reframing your mindset because when your brain is in a negative state, it cannot be resourceful – it cannot be solution-orientated nor see opportunities if they present themselves to you. Once you’ve changed your thought patterns, you’ll have a different perspective about the matter in hand.

Step 4 – Regain control because only you can control the type of thoughts you have. You are not your thoughts. Understand the nature of your thinking and if it’s not working for you, reframe and regain control so that you can find the answers or to feel more in control of how you are thinking, feeling and acting. Rather than donate the control of how you are feeling to external forces, take it back. Step up, be bold, have courage because you can do this.

Is it always easy to reframe and regain control of our thoughts? Not always. But the key thing is to know that it is possible. We are the masters of our own destiny– it is not pre-written in the stars. Yes, of course things happen to us over which we have no control- the past two years with the COVID pandemic have certainly demonstrated that, but over time, once we have re-grouped and recalibrated, we get to choose one thought over another and how we might move forward.

When you’re working towards something, or facing a challenge and it feels like there are all kinds of obstacles and barriers in the way (some self-imposed i.e. the nature of your thoughts), if you have a strong, resilient and resourceful programme that is running continuously, as someone very wise once said to me, it doesn’t guarantee you don’t allow yourself to be impacted and affected by stuff, it just means, in your more lucid moments, you have the tools to make sense of your thoughts and decide how you want to think about it all.

The dark winter months are a perfect time to commit to a check-up from the neck-up – to re-evaluate how you do things which crucially starts with how you think– be it the way you respond to situations and people you may find frustrating or annoying, or to think about the way you approach goals and new challenges which will enrich your life leading to further fulfilment. It all goes on between your ears so only you can make it possible. This time of year is as good a time as any to think about the way you think, to regenerate thus feeling renewed and revitalised with vigour and vitality.

One year = 365 opportunities

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Do you find it challenging to take control of the nature of your thoughts? Do you set yourself goals and challenges but find that you procrastinate, lack self-belief or do not feel worthy of happiness or success?

The Mindset Coaching Membership can help you understand the tools and strategies needed to be the best version of you. With Masterclass Teachings + Coaching + Accountability, we will help you to create the future you want. Find out more here. 

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