Why loving yourself is the priority. Top 10 ways to fall in love with yourself.

Valentine’s Day. What’s not to like about a day filled with love, flowers and chocolates…?!

The thing is, we all know the adage that before you can understand how to love someone completely, you first need to love yourself. Heck, for some people, liking themselves would be a good start…

Is that true though? Do you really need to love yourself before you can love another? No, not necessarily. However, if you don’t love yourself, are you able to accept that someone else can love you? Or will your lack of self-worth stand in the way? Because if you don’t have a strong sense of self-worth, if you don’t believe you deserve the good things in life, that you don’t deserve the love of someone special, very likely self-sabotage will get in the way.

We’re on a road to nowhere

It comes down, as always, to the nature of your thoughts. You need to work on them if you stand any chance of reversing the negative thought patterns. You need to turn down the volume of that pesky inner critic that means you allow yourself to keep your world small – to not go for the opportunities out there, in fact, you don’t even recognise them because of the lack of confidence. But, if you retrain your brain to no longer allow the inner critic to repeat past comments/feedback/narratives that are negative, and you kick those thoughts to the kerb, and instead, amplify the good stuff, you’re rewiring your brain to think new thought patterns which are helpful to you.

Think of it this way, if you have believed negative stuff about yourself for years and years, it’s like they’ve created a groove in your brain– let’s call it a roadway. It’s a well-worn route, and your thoughts continue to travel down this road unless consciously, you take a detour, and create for yourself a new route.

When we allow ourselves to repeat the thoughts which are not serving us well, we are travelling the same old piece of road with the potholes and roadworks holding us up. If we build a new roadway however- creating new neural pathways, i.e. thoughts which help us to be more positive about ourselves, we’ll spot the road signs which take us towards the great things in life, be it work or personal goals.

A new roadmap

Is it easy to change the thoughts we have about ourselves, to flip the narrative and believe something positive? No, it takes a lot of work. We get into a groove and think the same thoughts, never really questioning them, nor changing them to get different results. It’s only when we question just how much we are comfortably uncomfortable, that we might jog ourselves into a mindset reset.

So, just how do you give yourself a mindset reset so that you ensure you fall in love with you?

1. Monitor your self-talk. You are the one person who you are with 24/7 and who you listen to, always. Is what you are saying to yourself serving you well? No? Then flip the narrative and ensure the way you describe yourself to you and to others is positive in nature. Your subconscious hears everything you say so tell it some good stuff about you.
2. Take responsibility for yourself. Be responsible for your thoughts, feelings and actions. Challenge the false beliefs you have about yourself. Listen to your thoughts and when you recognise any negative thinking, ask yourself for the evidence that it’s true. Is it true? Who would you be if you didn’t believe that about yourself? How might that feel? You get to run your brain, rather than to allow it to run you.
3. Get out of your comfort zone. If you only do things that you’re good at, you’ll never grow. Challenge yourself and by trying new things, making mistakes, learning, moving forward and achieving- in doing so, you will build your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
4. Accept compliments. And do it with no self-deprecation. Rather than to brush off a compliment, graciously accept and say thank you. Think how great the compliment giver feels too! 
5. Surround yourself with the right people. Ensure you surround yourself with people who have a positive outlook on life. It helps to keep you buoyed up when you might need it. And ensure you have cheerleaders– those who support you to move forward. As well as those who will be honest with you. I believe it’s important to have that honesty in life- it keeps us in check.
6. Reduce comparison to others. The only person you should be comparing yourself with is YOU! How have you changed the past 12 months? 5 years? 10 years? 
7. Journal. Write down how you’re feeling and if it’s been a challenging day, write down how you can change it up for the next day. Re-read and see how far you’ve come. Acknowledge the differences you have already made since then, and know that you can, and will continue to do so.
8. Have an attitude of gratitude. Write down three things every day that you’re grateful for. An attitude of gratitude means confirmation bias will be looking to prove you right- that there’s lots of great stuff in your life!
9. Keep a Success Log. Keep a note of all your successes– all your wins. Whatever success might mean to you. Read through them to remind yourself of how awesome you are. Especially if you’re feeling down on yourself.
10. Self-development. Surely the most important of all! Which books, videos, films or people inspire you to want to work on and believe in yourself? Immerse yourself in content that challenges the way you think about yourself, and which supports you to move forward and help you to build your self-belief.

You can work on your mindset using these tools and strategies to ensure your thoughts are working for you- that you are allowing yourself to acknowledge how brilliant you are. If you spend just 15 minutes a day, using mindset tools to give yourself a check-up from the neck-up, you can create for yourself a whole different set of circumstances because you will believe in your abilities, like yourself and have the life you deserve. Like I said, forging a new roadway for your thought patterns to travel down, takes time, effort and self-discipline. But anything worth having takes some work, right? It makes it all the sweeter when you achieve your goal.

Happiness and a sense of self-worth needs to come from within. No one can give that to you and when you have that- when you like yourself enough that you love yourself, that’s when the really healthy relationships with others can flourish.

To finish, some wise words from Buddha:

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

So, here’s to love, in it’s many and varied forms, but most importantly, the love you should have for yourself.

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Do you find it hard to like yourself? Are there pervasive negative thoughts which seem hard to shift and therefore, you just can’t seem to find anything good about yourself?

The Mindset Coaching Membership can help you understand the tools and strategies needed to be the best version of you. With Masterclass Teachings + Coaching + Accountability, we will help you to create the future you want. Find out more here. 

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