Tis the season to be jolly. If you want it to be. It is after all, your choice.

Ding dong merrily on high

What does the festive season mean to you? Is it a time of great excitement– of present buying and wrapping, decorating the tree, cooking up a storm and sharing the fun with family and friends? Perhaps you see it is a hectic time where you look forward to the 27^th December- when everyone has been and gone and the pressure is now off; or are you are a bit of a bah humbug who resents the expense such as buying Christmas cards for people you see every day, let alone the cost of postage to send them to those further afield who you hardly ever, or never see?!

Some people put far too much pressure on themselves to please everyone to ensure that they all enjoy the big day, whilst others resent picking up the in-laws and spending the festive period in their company. There are also those that cannot see what the fuss is all about yet ‘reluctantly’ get swept along with it all.

However, Christmas can be whatever you want it to be. If you want to know where you’d rather be during the festive season, just take a look at where your feet are.  If you really wanted to be somewhere else or with anyone else, you would be there. We always choose to do the thing that gives us the most emotional comfort and sometimes, that might be choosing to host a frenetic two days with your extended family, driving across the country to your in-laws, or going solo because you like your own company.

The choice is yours

Whenever you’ve had a choice between two or more options, you’ve always done exactly what you want to do, or been exactly where you want to be. But does it always feel like it? No, not necessarily.

So whenever you’ve had a choice between two or more options (which excludes being born / dying / being sick / going to the loo / or any other lighthouses i.e. situations which you do not have any power or influence over), you’ve always done what’s suited you, you’ve always taken the course of least resistance, you’ve always taken the easy way out, you’ve always acted in your self-interest, you’ve always got your own way. People always behave in a way that is consistent with their emotional needs. Because when we make a choice it's always the easiest for us emotionally at that time compared with any other choice in that moment. In other words, we always choose the option with the consequences that are easiest for us to bear emotionally. It’s that whole personal responsibility thing…

What’s the disadvantage of knowing this kind of thing? It kicks away any emotional crutch you might be leaning on such as telling yourself that you have to do something when really, you don’t have to do anything – it depends what sits with your emotional needs most. And know that you don’t always like what you want to do but you’d rather do it than the consequences of the other choice/s.

What’s the benefit of knowing all this? It puts you in control, and it’s incredibly liberating and empowering to know that you are in the driving seat – you get to consciously make choices.

The power sits with you

The fabulous Hazel Morley, a former Winning Edge Facilitator wrote a festive blog for The Winning Edge a few years ago and here’s a reminder of some of her wisdom which I think we can all take something from:

• There is nothing in life you have to do. If you can live with the consequences, there is nothing you have to do. Words like ‘have to’, ‘should’, ‘ought’, ‘got to’, ‘must’ are victim language and suggest that you are not in control. You can be much more consciously in control and can make different choices.
• Your decisions and choices come from your values and principles and the information/feelings you have at the time. If you decide to stay up late to bake cupcakes for colleagues, work late to complete a project, spend your weekend driving to see relatives, it’s because you want to do so more than you don’t, or more than any other choice available to you at the time. Remember: if you are ever unsure where you want to be at any time, check where your feet are.
• There are no sacrifices and there is no altruism. When you ‘sacrifice’ your time to attend an event, or ‘put yourself out’ to do a favour for someone else, you do that for yourself. You get an emotional pay-off - you feel better because it’s important to you, so there is no point in complaining.
• Guilt is a powerful emotion that can be a force for good as well as a source of negative stress. No-one can make you feel guilty without your consent. Whatever decision you make, it’s a choice you make for you, it’s not against another. Letting go of the guilt is not always easy but is usually very liberating.
• Perfection comes from a place of fear – fear of letting people down, fear of not being good enough, fear of what others will think of you, fear of being judged, fear of discomfort etc. When it feels like fear and negativity are taking over your thoughts, such as over-analysing, obsessing about detail, procrastinating, criticism and blame, you are giving away your power. So, recognise that negative cyclical thinking, intercept it and think a thought which is more positive and that moves you forward.
• When you’re with your family, sometimes, they know how to push your buttons to get a rise. Know that you are in control of your emotions, by managing the nature of your thoughts. Is that always easy in the eye of the storm? No. But you can decide whether you play into the narrative or not. You can choose to fan the flames, or to be the water sprinkler.

So, whatever you do and wherever you are during the festive season, enjoy yourself. It comes but once a year and although there can be the big build up, it’s gone in a flash. Time is precious so have a great time doing whatever it is you’ve chosen to do!

“Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.” Mary Ellen Chase

Wishing you and yours glad tidings for the festive season and all that you desire and strive for in 2022! With best wishes from the team at The Winning Edge.

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Do you find it challenging to take control of the nature of your thoughts? Does life feel like a constant list of things to-do and you never really feel in the driver’s seat?

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