Sleepwalking through life? Or squeezing the juice out of it? It's your choice.

Weighing up the options

What is it about change that we as humans don’t like? For many, change is a negative thing and something to be feared but is that always the case? Can there be some benefit in change? For those who always view change as a bad thing, they are less able to see the potential advantages in change because they’ve closed their mind off to it. For those who are open-minded about it, who believe the only constant in life is change, they will embrace it and roll with the punches.

Comfortably uncomfortable

A coaching client recently spoke of her frustration with her ‘dead-end’ job. (At this juncture, I should say that my client is happy for me to share her situation in the hope it is a catalyst for others to do something constructive if they feel they are in a similar position.) ‘Sarah’ felt unfulfilled and couldn’t see a way of progressing, and in fact, didn’t even want to. I asked her what her motivation was for staying working for that company if this is how she felt on a regular basis.

Sarah had been working for the same company for more than 20 years and I suspected there was an element of loyalty there- from what she said, they had stood by her during some challenging times in her life. However, things seem to have plateaued, and she felt a bit like a hamster on its wheel – going through the motions, day in, day out. Her job offered stability though and Sarah was unsure of the path to take going forward. To leave or not was undoubtedly a huge decision for her to make.

There were a lot of ‘yeah buts’ when I asked Sarah questions to get her thinking about what life could look like if she changed her job, if she did something different. Sarah was putting lots of barriers in the way and constructing for herself a veritable glass ceiling. She was comfortable being uncomfortable because up until that point, the benefits of her job were outweighing the negatives. As far as I could tell, Sarah was on a healthy salary with all the perks you’d expect at her level, but it was the same old same old which she was finding challenging, plus the incessant politics. Sarah was contemplating branching out to become a consultant in her field. Or she could be completely radical and start in a whole new field.

Should Sarah take a leap of faith and leave behind all that security, all that she knows? Or, as I asked her, will we be having this exact same conversation next year?

Procrastination is the enemy of progress

Fear of change usually results in procrastination – we know we want to do something but we’re putting it off. In a 2013 study, Drs Pychyl and Sirois found that procrastination can be understood as “the primacy of short-term mood repair… over the longer-term pursuit of intended actions.” Put simply, procrastination is about being more focused on “the immediate urgency of managing negative moods” than getting on with the task, Dr. Sirois explained. Until a greater reward comes along, we’ll continue with the present situation and the procrastination.

With the average lifetime in the Western world being just 30,000 days, why on earth would you waste such a disproportionate amount of time doing something you really dislike?! Make it mean something because it’s amazing how much time is already taken up with the necessities – eating, sleeping, showering etc., let alone five days a week spent doing something unfulfilling and soul-destroying.

Someday Isle – the place we shouldn’t want a ticket to

We kid ourselves that we’re going to one day pluck up the courage to take that leap of faith, to dive into the unknown and actually follow our heart’s desire but what we’re often doing secretly, behind our own back, is booking a one-way ticket to Someday Isle – that place where we all end up because we never took action - ‘Someday I’ll leave this dead-end job and do something really exciting with my life’, ‘Someday I’ll read all those books I let pile up and feed my mind’, ‘Someday we’ll book that cruise we’ve always promised ourselves,’ ‘Someday, when the kids are older and don’t need to be ferried about, and before the grandchildren come along, and when our current car doesn’t owe us anything, and we’ve finished doing the house up, then we’ll buy that little sports car,’ etc etc.

Of course, the pros and cons of leaving a job need to be weighed up and the risk-reward ratio considered. A roof over your head is for most people, a must, as is being able to food and clothe your nearest and dearest. Our sanity however is also fairly integral to our general wellbeing and living a life where for the most part, there’s a cloud of misery hanging over it, isn’t good for our mental welfare, nor for those around us.

If the large salary and pension pot mean a fab house, awesome holidays and financial security and are worth the groundhog days, and that’s a consciously made decision, you know exactly what you’re doing and why; but if you’re moaning about work and doing nothing about it, each day you leave your house, you are chipping away another tiny piece of your self-respect because you know you’re willingly perpetuating the utter boredom and doing absolutely nothing about it.

Leaving the comfort zone of job security will bring huge upheaval and uncertainty for Sarah but she’s clever, talented and creative and I know she can make a success of anything if she wants it enough. And, if she sorts out her mindset – she will rid herself of the self-doubt, and the yeah buts.

Sounding vaguely familiar?

Maybe Sarah’s story resonates with you. You’re in a job you feel is unfulfilling and you’re merely turning the wheel, paying the bills and drifting. Perhaps it’s not your job you’re unhappy with. Maybe it’s a relationship - you’ve drifted apart but separating is just too difficult mentally, emotionally and financially. There could be a different life out there but the status quo will do. Perchance it’s something as innocuous as an unpainted front door, that leads to a messy hallway and a kitchen where a few of the doors are hanging slightly off the hinges and the cooker is gradually on its way out. You’ve given up with the DIY – what’s the point because there’s too much that needs doing now…

Inertia is insidious. It creeps up on us and one day we turn around and wonder what happened. How did we find ourselves in this position, leading this life that we maybe would call average? All the exciting plans got shelved, the good times with friends are reduced to a cordial Christmas greeting card, the holidays we say we’ll save up for remain images on websites, there’s a whole stack of shelf-development we haven’t got round to reading and the house and garden still look, well the same really because that Pinterest board just got a little bit too overwhelming.

Make the change

Reinvent yourself, reinvent your life because nobody is going to wave a magic wand and make it happen. You will need to step out of your comfort zone and at first, it might feel akin to plunging into an ice-cold plunge pool but surely that’s better than staying in the public swimming pool jacuzzi which you think is nice and warm but if you think about how many children have been in there and might not have bothered getting out to go to the… Not worth thinking about!

Change doesn’t necessarily have to be bad. It can bring great possibilities and amazing opportunities. We learn a lot about ourselves through change – how resilient we are, our resourcefulness and who we can count on when the chips are down and when we might need a little bit of support and encouragement.

What is it that enables you to be happy? It always comes back to your core values. It isn’t necessarily a big house, holidays abroad or the finer things in life. They can bring you pleasure but happiness is a programme that should be continuously running in the background. This will likely be fuelled by your intrinsic values – perhaps meaningful friendships and relationships, self-development, a sense of fulfilment, freedom, experiences and so forth. A job you’re miserable in but you stay for the security, or a broken relationship beyond repair but preferable to the upheaval of a split - they will not bring happiness.

What’s your motivation?

On the Winning Edge course we quote the following:

The only thing that stands between me and the ideal life I would like to live is my inability to manage around, include, or where possible eliminate negative emotions.

So, it’s about holding a mirror up to yourself and working out what thoughts you are having about yourself and your abilities, plus your level of self-worth, which can either hinder you, or propel you forward. What do you need to work on so that you will take that leap of faith – to embrace change and all of the marvellous possibilities that might bring?

Perhaps there will come a point when the current situation becomes untenable, when you can no longer stand the aching boredom, the unhappiness nor the frustration. Or maybe the inertia will continue for years and one day, you’ll wonder where all that time went, all that time you can’t get back.

Because you only get one life, one shot at all this and who knows when it’s curtains for you? If you know you want a life avoiding change nor rocking the boat, that’s all good, as long as it’s a consciously made decision because there can be no regrets - regret is futile for we cannot turn back time. If, however, a life where challenge, learning, fulfilment and the odd bit of risk here and there is the way you choose to live, then go for it.

So, manage your mindset and get out there and live. A little or a lot. It’s your choice.

The innovative visionary Steve Jobs once said:

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today?”

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Do you know what you want out of life? Are you at a crossroads? Do you lack confidence and self-doubt is holding you back?

The Mindset Coaching Membership can help you understand the tools and strategies needed to be the best version of you. With Masterclass Teachings + Coaching + Accountability, we will help you to create the future you want. Find out more here.

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