How to increase your self-esteem and create a more deserving self-image

 Little ole me

Self-limiting beliefs can be hugely debilitating. They can cripple you in terms of not being able to move forward. If you believe the voice of self-doubt in your head telling you that you’re not good enough, that you can’t do it, why would you even think you could achieve such a thing etc etc, if you believe that voice, then you’ll stay exactly where you are.

And how you feel about yourself on a day-to-day basis determines how others perceive you and treat you. People’s treatment of you will match your self-image. Have you ever been taken for granted? The thing is, you can only be taken for granted whilst you allow people to do it. You perhaps feel you’re not worthy of being treated any better. Maybe you fear rejection. Maybe you’re a people pleaser and worry what others think of you.

It can be exhausting, constantly worrying about other people’s opinion, or wanting to keep the peace, ensuring everyone else is happy. You can get caught in analysis paralysis – overthinking what everyone else might be thinking, when actually, will you know unless you actually ask them?! I heard a quote once: ‘It’s none of your business what other people think of you.’ Personally, I struggle a bit with this one because I feel it is my business but ultimately, it isn’t. It’s their thoughts, their opinions. So, it’s best not to donate any time, thought or energy to something I have no control over whatsoever.

It’s all bound up in your self-image. If you’ve not created for yourself a positive and deserving self-image, you will not see the best in yourself, and you will not permit yourself to see that others see the best in you. You will hear the negative, and even create it – making up a narrative that you believe others are saying about you. Or, you will perhaps attract the wrong 'uns, who will take advantage of you, because they see that vulnerability, and that you will allow it.

Imposter alert

Sometimes, we manage to conquer self-limiting beliefs and go for it but we sometimes allow those self-limiting beliefs to manifest themselves in another guise - the dreaded Imposter Syndrome. We get good at what we’re doing, too good by all accounts because we then feel things are going too well and surely, we can’t be that good at this… We have thoughts of inadequacy, we’re here because luck has had a hand in it and someone sooner or later is going to suss us out- we’ll get a tap on the shoulder and be told our promotion was a mistake, that the job we were employed to do isn’t working out for us, that our performance isn’t quite what was hoped for.

This is when you don't feel worthy of your success. You don't feel able to take the credit - you think it's all a fluke and you're unable to realise you're where you are due to your skills, qualifications, experience and personality.

So why think of yourself as an Imposter? It's about looking at your self-image – the combination of your self-competence and your self-worth. You need to think about the way you think about yourself and what you can do to realise you’ve achieved where you're at through hard work, tenacity and skills. You need to realise you deserve this success. Because nothing changes if nothing changes.

Reframing your mindset
It starts with the nature of your thinking. Does this self-doubt stem from the past? Was it a past comment by parents, teachers, peers, a partner or a manager? Have you held on to that and taken it to your core, believing it to be inherently true about you- an unchangeable fact.

How about you flip the narrative? How about you turn down the volume on the inner self-critic – the noisy negative chatter? What if you turned the dial up on the positive things about you? How might that feel? Might you go for the fantastic opportunities on offer in life? Might you feel worthy of the great stuff? Would you create an amazing life for yourself because you believed the possibilities were endless and you deserved it? Imagine that for yourself!

If we want to be different, if we want to change something about ourselves, we can start Day One tomorrow. Maybe you want to have more confidence– to uplevel your self-belief; maybe you want to be bolder and take more risks– as we say on the Winning Edge: ‘Life should be a series of daring escapades launched from a solid base’; perhaps lack of organisation is holding you back and you want some order in your life so you can move forward; maybe you’ve been stuck in a funk for a long time and you need to break the cycle and move on. It is possible. You can do it. And I’m going to help you.

The quality of my actions cannot exceed the quality of my thinking
Remember- you can run your brain, it doesn’t run you. So, replace the unhelpful thought with one that empowers you. We're all worthy of success, whatever that might mean to us, we just need to allow it for ourselves.

To believe in yourself, to feel worthy of success, it’s important to confront and call out the lies you have been telling yourself and the limiting beliefs you are perpetuating. Banish those gremlins – the negative self-talk you give far too much airtime to.

Here are some tools to create a positive and deserving self-image to empower yourself to believe in you:

• Monitor your self-talk. Is it serving you well? If not, turn it around and ensure the way you describe yourself to you and to others is positive in nature.
• Take responsibility for yourself. Be responsible for your thoughts, feelings and actions. Again, this improves your self-respect and self-esteem. 
• Goal setting. Setting goals means you believe you’re capable of achievements, it builds your self-belief and your resilience. What do you want to Be, Do and Have? Get a plan together and make it happen. 
• Get out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself! It’ll mean you feel more comfortable to go for the exciting stuff.  
• Accept compliments. Rather than to brush off a compliment, or be self-deprecating, graciously accept and say thank you. 
• Keep physically healthy. There is so much evidence that our physical and mental fitness is intrinsically linked. Improve your physical fitness and feel great about yourself. 
• Praise others. This adds value to us. How good do we feel when we help others to feel positive about themselves?!
• Surround yourself with the right people. Ensure you surround yourself with people who have a positive outlook on life. It helps to keep you buoyed up when you might need it. And ensure you have cheerleaders– those who support you to move forward. 
• Feed your mind. Enrich your brain with new skills, education, experiences, people. 
• Reduce comparison to others. The only person you should be comparing yourself with is YOU! How have you changed the past 12 months? 5 years? 10 years?
• Self-reflection. Socrates said: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Self-awareness gives a benchmark of how we can change for the better– when we know, we grow. 
• Say no sometimes. Saying no protects your boundaries and builds your self-respect. If you find saying no challenging, reframe it like this: ‘It’s not against you, it’s for me.’ You don’t necessarily need to say it to the person, but thinking it enables you to know that you're doing it with the best of intentions. 
• Journal. Write down how you’re feeling and if it’s been a challenging day, write down how you can change it up for the next day. Re-read and see how far you’ve come. Acknowledge the differences you have already made since then and know that you can, and will continue to do so. 
• Have an attitude of gratitude. Write down three things every day that you’re grateful for. An attitude of gratitude means confirmation bias will be looking to prove you right- that there’s lots of great stuff in your life! 
• Keep a Success Log. Keep a note of all your successes– all your wins. Whatever success might mean to you. Read through them to remind yourself of how awesome you are. Especially when you’re feeling down on yourself. 
• Self-development. Surely the most important of all! When you are more consciously aware of the nature of your thoughts, you can catch yourself in the act of allowing the self-doubt to creep in. You can work on your mindset using all of the above and ensure it’s working for you.

 If you spend just 15 minutes a day, using mindset tools to give yourself a check-up from the neck-up, you can get your self-image to a place when you’re ready to take on anything.

 Here’s to you and all you achieve!

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Do you find your self-limiting beliefs define who you are? Do you wish you had more confidence to go for more things in life, to create exciting opportunities for yourself?  

The Mindset Coaching Membership can help you understand the tools and strategies needed to manage your mindset and to be the best version of you.

With Masterclass Teachings + Coaching + Accountability, we will help you to create the future you want. Find out more here.

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